i pelati del rock!!!!!!!

You don’t need Bon Jovi hair to rock out. In fact, you don’t need any hair. Here are some amazing musicians who have managed to not only overcome debilitating hereditary setbacks but get to save thousands every year on exorbitant Supercuts expenses.



Joe Satriani
No matter what Coldplay thinks, since shaving off his unruly locks the great guitarist has only gotten, well, greater. When we asked him about his terrible disability a few years ago here’s what Joe had to say: “The day I shaved my head I said, ‘Finally, it's over!’ I didn’t want to be that guy who wears the baseball hat all the time. Always embrace your age. It's about the music, not the hair.” You can expect Chris Martin to say the exact same thing three years from now.



Michael Stipe
Yes, we are keenly aware that R.E.M. actually started making terrible records as soon as Stipe lost his head full of frizz but we’re sure it was just a coincidence. At least until there is a scientific link between having hair and coming up with lyrics like, “What do you do between the horns of the day?"



Daughtry
Baldie Chris Daughtry didn’t win American Idol but his hirsute rival Taylor Hicks did. Guess which one sold more than 4-million copies of his debut album? (Hint: It wasn’t the guy with the full head of George Clooney-style salt and pepper hair who went on to star in an off-Broadway production of Grease).



Rob Halford
Quick, name one so-called hair metal band that rocks harder than Judas Priest! Trick question — there aren’t any, proving there is a direct correlation between having a severely egg-shaped dome and communing with the dark side.



Seal
You might be able to see the shine off this British soul superstar’s noggin from the seventh ring of Saturn but then again Heidi Klum isn’t your wife and you didn’t write “Kiss From A Rose,” did you?



Brian Eno
Besides producing everyone from U2 to Coldplay, Eno’s brain is so powerful that it can conjure entire solo albums out of the sounds of bubbles popping, elevator doors opening and dogs pooping. His hair simply had to move it or lose it. Or, you know, both.



Sinead O’Connor
Fact: Male pattern baldness doesn’t only affect males. It also affects female Irish singers who aren’t going to take your stupid crap any more. Further examples: Britney Spears, Melissa Etheridge.



Billy Corgan
He’s creepy and he’s kooky and he doesn’t need anyone else in his band to call it the Smashing Pumpkins. The cool breeze in Chicago may have finally caught up with the blood flowing to his cranium but back in the day, Corgan easily held his own against shaggy challengers like Eddie Vedder and Chris Cornell.



Phil Collins
BOOM-BAM-BOOM-BOOM-BAM! What’s that? Oh, just the greatest drum solo ever brought to you by the man who also innovated the business on top/party in the back combo before semi-gracefully submitting to nature.



Moby
Had anybody actually ever heard a techno song until this teetotal, vegan, celibate Christian Marxist producer came along? Probably not and for the benefit of this particular list we’re going to say it’s all because he doesn’t have any hair.



Also in the No-Hair Club For Men:

Bob Mould

The Edge

Bret Michaels

Tupac

Ian MacKaye

Frank Black

Kevin Eubanks

Peter Gabriel

Aaron Lewis

Maynard James-Keenan

Billy Joel

Tom Morello

Peter Frampton

Paul Shaffer

Ringo Starr

...

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